Google Voice Transcription #2

Leave a reply

Here’s another Google Voice transcription gem

Hey Brian, This is done. Sincerely stardom hit the 6th. It doesn’t seem right now that the fixtures wereconfused you when you 6 6 is take a lot 5 that 7 minutes 9 at six. When you get the black screen foralright. 3045 seconds and so or 7 done. And then we could use it and then. It doesn’t make sense andoff so gimme a call. Thanks. Bye.

I should probably break this one down and respond accordingly:

Hey Brian, This is done.
Thank you.  Please place it on my desk or park it in my driveway.

Sincerely stardom hit the 6th.
That is bad news.  Please keep your horse off the golf course.  It is not a polo field.

It doesn’t seem right now that the fixtures were confused you when you 6
Indeed.  That was a fragile and confusing age for me.  Thank you for understanding.

6 is take a lot 5 that 7 minutes 9 at six.
Yes, math is hard, but I still expect you to be at work at carry the 2 minus the hour 7 seven.

When you get the black screen for alright.
I also prefer that to the blue screen.  I’ll pass the compliment on to the rest of the IT staff.

3045 seconds and so or 7 done.
Yes, RENT was my favorite musical, too. Wicked is right up there, but there’s something about the way they were just able to freeze time with those number lyrics. Magical.

And then we could use it and then.
Just let me know when it’s done and when

It doesn’t make sense and off so gimme a call
To further proliferate, the request has made too the many, therefore, and which is which. Dial giraffe.

Thanks. Bye.
And just what the heck is that supposed to mean?

Google Voice soup kitchen bus

Google Voice Transcription #1

Leave a reply

I switched my voicemail provider to Google Voice a while back to try the transcription service.  I’m never going back.  Here’s my most recent voicemail.

Good evening everyone. This is your friendly neighborhood soup kitchen. So I’m calling to tell you thatit’s still raining outside, tomorrow. The buses of the district will be traveling as normal. But due to theexcessive amounts of rain, our drivers. I’ve been informed use extreme caution in the areas. We Are,Flooding is, but any of that busses cannot travel the road safely to pick up your child is normal.Please note that been informed not tourist the safety of all. If you have concerns about your childgetting to school. Please call your child’s respect to the school. And we will speak to you at that pointin time. Have a safe evening. We had a good weekend. Thank you.

This was a very informative message. Up until this point, I had no idea that:

  1. We had a neighborhood soup kitchen
  2. They can predict the weather, presumably with the help of a time machine based on the verb tenses
  3. They provide a bus service
  4. They are philosophers (“We are, Flooding is”)
  5. They don’t like to drive on the roads
  6. My child is normal
  7. The busses pick up children AND tourists
  8. If I call my child’s respect on the phone, the soup kitchen will answer
  9. But it’s all good, because they had a good weekend.

Support your local excellence

Leave a reply
Does supporting local business really make sense

Does supporting local business really make sense

I’m not a big fan of requests to support your local business/band/artist/whatever. That’s not to say I DON’T support these entities. I just don’t care for marketing strategies that employ “support your local” pleas. There should be a reason besides proximity that compels my support. What do you have to offer that is excellent? If you can’t compete on price, is there something else you provide that will earn my loyalty? Better service? A stream of new and exciting material to engage your fan base?

Are you striving for excellence in your craft?

The mom and pop tire shop down the street gets my business even though their prices are a few dollars higher than Wal-Mart. The owner treats customers fairly, pumps up my kids’ bike tires with a smile, and doesn’t make me feel stupid when I forget to have my tires rotated. I get my coffee beans from the local coffee shop because their beans are more freshly roasted than the Starbuck’s from the grocery store and they don’t cost any more. I listen to a friend’s local radio show because he just runs an excellent show. He introduces fans to new music and provides interesting backstories many of the artists and songs.

Similarly, if you have aspirations to do something bigger and better than your current gig, start being excellent now. Don’t wait until you’ve “arrived” to bring your best to the table. Even if you’re bagging groceries or flipping burgers, there is room to go beyond what is required and do excellent work. Give people a reason to appreciate your work beyond sentimentality.

Vegan Zuppa Toscana soup recipe in the style of Olive Garden

Leave a reply

Vegan Zuppa Toscana soup (in the style of Olive Garden)

Since I’m spilling my guts here, and in the interest of full disclosure, my guts these days don’t contain any animal products (besides my own).  I made the switch to a vegan diet about a year and a half ago after learning that I had some high cholesterol levels.  And now that I’ve made the switch, I don’t think I’ll ever go back.  I’ve had a lot of help from newsletters, blogs, and cook books like The Vegan Coach, The Sexy Vegan, and Chef Chloe.

One of the skills I’m learning is how to transfer specific knowledge from following recipes into general knowledge of how to cook something from scratch without a recipe.  Sassy (the Vegan Coach) has been especially helpful in this area.  I’m at the point now where I can take a few glances at the fridge and pantry, make a mental list of what’s available, and throw something together quickly using basic cooking methods.

I’ve been making a lot of soup recently, as I am wont to do during the cold winter months.  One of my favorite pre-vegan restaurant soups was

Vegan Zuppa Toscana soup

Olive Garden’s Zuppa Toscana.  Creamy, spicy, hearty, incredibly satisfying Italian comfort food.  So, I set out to make my own.  I did a quick google search for a copycat recipe, glanced over the basic ingredients, and quickly adapted the main ingredients to vegan equivalents.  Here’s what I came up with.  This serves about ten people (or one person for five days of lunch and dinner if you hide leftovers in an empty Folger’s coffee container in the back of the fridge).  This soup took me about 35-40 minutes to make, including conceiving the recipe, prep, and cleanup.

Ingredients:

  • 1 leek
  • 1 medium yellow onion
  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • 2 Tb olive oil
  • 8 medium potatoes (I used Yukon golds and russets, but whatever is fine.  Red would be good)
  • 8-10 cups vegetable broth (I use Better Than Bouillon Vegetable Base)
  • 1 can coconut milk (you can use a “lite” version of this which will have less fat, but I don’t recommend it for this recipe)
  • 1 1/2 cups non-dairy milk (soy, rice, almond, etc. OR just add another can of coconut milk.  Permission granted to use a lite coconut milk for this part)
  • 1 1/2 tsp thyme (fresh, if available)
  • 1 tsp rosemary (fresh, if available)
  • 1/4 – 2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes, to taste (I used 1 tsp, which the adults liked just fine, but kids said it was too spicy.)
  • 2 tsp black pepper (or less, to taste)
  • Many handfuls of chopped/stemmed kale (probably around 2 cups worth? I didn’t measure.  Use what’s comfortable for you)VegeUSA vegan sausage chunks
  • 1/2 lb vegan sausage crumbles (I used VegeUSA vegan sausage chunks, as pictured.  You can store these in your pantry, as they come packaged dry.  They expand quite a bit and have flavor and texture remarkably similar to the real thing)

Instructions:

  • Put the broth in a large pot and turn on the burner (pressure cooker NOT recommended for this.  It cooks quickly enough without it, and you don’t want your potatoes or kale to be overcooked)
  • Wash and cut up your potatoes (leave the peels on), throw ‘em in the pot
  • While the potatoes come to a boil, dice the leeks and onions, and sauté in olive oil until clear
  • Add garlic, turn off heat, and sauté a few seconds more until aromatic
  • Add onions/leeks/garlic to pot, as well as all other ingredients (except the kale)
  • When potatoes start to feel almost done, add kale – about 5-10 minutes should be fine.  You want it soft, but some texture should remain
  • Turn off the burner when the potatoes are done
  • Eat until your belly can’t take any more, take a breath, then eat two more spoonfuls

Perfectionism vs Progress

1 Reply

I have a tendency to guard myself against failure by taking protective measures.  I over-prepare for new tasks.  When my son asked me to paint his bike, I spent two days googling “how to paint a bike,” pored over every article, developed opinions on competing methods, and read reviews of different brands of spray paint before I had even picked up a piece of sandpaper.  And in the end, the bike looked about as good as every other dad-who-doesn’t-know-what-he’s-doing paint job.  This self-protective tendency stems from perfectionism.  My desire to know all the variables, plan every detail, and avoid bumps in the road often keeps me from making any progress.

So, recently, I’ve been taking small steps toward my goals, even though I can’t see the complete path.  Last weekend I took my very first improv comedy class at the St. Louis Comedy Connection.  It’s one piece of the puzzle in my goal to create Brian 2.0.  There was nothing particularly revolutionary or life changing in the content of the class, but it was ACTION.  I wasn’t just watching youtube clips, listening to podcasts, reading comedy books, or researching improv – I was actually doing it.  We learned about the about the concept of “Yes.  And . . . ” where we force ourselves to agree with our scene partners and build on each other’s choices, rather than forcing our pre-conceived notions of where the scene should go.  I need more improvisation in more aspects of my life:  Taking more risks, learning from mistakes, facing my fears, acting before the plan is complete, and pushing through the terrifying moments.

I’ve also begun working on a sitcom pilot idea with my writing partner.  It’s something neither of us have done before, but we’re sticking our necks out there and learning as we go.  We don’t have hours and hours each day to dedicate to it, so our brainstorming and writing times are done in really short bursts.  Again, though, it’s action, and it feels great.  Our current goal is to have a script done in time for a sitcom pilot script contest, which is helping us stay focused and pace ourselves accordingly.  We’re probably making a lot of mistakes, and our writing times aren’t very efficient, but we are making progress and learning.

What are you putting off for fear of failure?  Is the desire for perfection keeping you from progress?

Distractions

2 Replies

One of my favorite author-bloggers, Kelly Barnhill recently wrote a great post about the antics of her son and his friends entitled If those boys would stand still for five minutes, they’d write a damn good novel.  Based on their conversations, I think I’d get along handsomely with these young men:  “Okay, fine. We all speak fluent Wolf.”  “Toe jam is just the nice way of saying toe poop. No one likes to believe that their toes can poop, but they do all the time.“  “We have to stop Dr. Nimblenuts and his atomic EXPLODING ANTS!”  If I could only capture that kind of wild creativity in my own writing!

But it wasn’t so much the boys’ dialogue that struck me as much as Kelly’s summary question, “What’s distracting you from your writing today?”  My answer came quickly, as I’ve been in a distractible state lately.  Like Kelly, I have been enjoying the distractions, so I’m reluctant to move on and do the work that I know I need to do.  I have the goal of writing a sample sitcom script, and I’ve been “researching.”  I’ve read how-to books and articles, watched (too?) many sitcom episodes for inspiration, listened to several hours of Ben Blacker’s Nerdist Writers Panel podcast, downloaded script writing software, read scripts from Community, 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation – everything but write my own sitcom script.  All of these activities are important and justifiable, but they’re all ancillary, and it’s time for me to buck up, face my fears, and start writing that script!

I’ll close with the same question Kelly asked, but slightly broader.  What’s distracting you from your goals today?  What excuses are you making to yourself?  Are you stuck in preparation mode, afraid to take the next steps?

Funny Friday: Top 10 Funny Things – Feb 1 2013

Leave a reply

Ten things that I found funny this week.

1.  It’s a trap!

It's a Trap!

2.  From a friend, context irrelevant

If I hadn’t been stuffing my face with nachos, I would have been more emotional.

3.  From my uncle on Facebook

Quote of the day- “Ask a college student what they’ll be doing after graduating and they’ll tell you they don’t know. Ask them what they’ll do at the zombie apocalypse and they’ll tell you immediately and in great detail.” – a Montana Tech student.

4.  Sunbathing robots

Sunbathing Robots

5.  A four year old dance student to her teacher

Student:  ”Why’d you bring beer in here?”
Teacher:  ”What?  It’s not beer.  It’s Diet Mountain Dew.”
Student:  ”I know what beer looks like, and that’s BEER!”

6.  I’m a sucker for Key and Peel skits lately.

7.  Baby + treadmill

Baby and treadmill

 

 

 

 

 

 

8.  I very much want to test this theory

glock-minnows

9.  I’ve been working my way through Community, and found the physical comedy of this hilarious.

10.  Not necessarily funny, but a fantastic article by Tom Ceraulo, writer for the very funny “30 Rock” about the final days of the show.

Behind The Scenes At The Final Days Of “30 Rock”

 

Overcoming fear of rejection by communicating desires

Leave a reply

No Sale

When living in Detroit in the mid-nineties, we had a very strange experience with a door-to-door salesman.  We opened the door, and there stood a VERY enthusiastic young man with a bottle of citrus spray cleaner and a rag.  He animatedly (including some dance moves) jumped into his presentation:  ”I have this amazing new cleaner that will clean anything! Let me show you!”  He proceeded to spray and wipe dirty surfaces within arm’s reach – our front door, a window, the corroded metal hand railing, and even my shoes.  He showed us that his cleaner was non-toxic by spraying some in his mouth.  He interjected his pitch with plenty of finger snaps, winks, high fives, and entertaining gimmickry. And you know what?  The stuff worked!  We probably would have bought a bottle, but when it came time to wrap up his pitch, he just smiled wide and said “Well, thanks for your time!  Have a nice day!”  He never asked for the sale!  He just danced his way to the next house on the block, fingers snapping to the tune in his head.

We stood there, semi-stunned, wondering if we had narrowly escaped a porch mugging.  More than likely, though, despite his confident exterior, he just lacked the nerve to commit and ask for the sale.  Maybe he was afraid of rejection.  Maybe he wanted us to beg him to come back.  I don’t know.  He didn’t follow through, and he lost the sale.

Speak Up

Speak up and overcome your fear of rejection

Speak up!

I still struggle with communicating my desires.  I assume the people around me, especially those closest to me, will be able to read my mind, or know me well enough to know what I want without me having to actually say it.  I’m often afraid that speaking my mind will lead to rejection, humiliation, or some form of demotion. This mentality can lead to some really damaging thoughts:  ”Nobody understands me. Things will never change. I’m stuck in this situation, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll just mope about until the skies part and drop opportunity in my lap.”  Like the spray cleaner salesman, I dance around and hint about my inner desires, but rarely truly express them in a way that lets people know I’m serious about making a change.

Are you keeping your desires and passions squashed down deep inside?  Is the “real you” ready to burst out, but only if the right moment presents itself?   If you’re serious about changing your circumstances, get serious about saying so.  Don’t let your fear of rejection keep you from speaking up.

Brian and Stormtrooper

Setting goals and living beyond the compliment

7 Replies

“Nice job!”  ”I like what you said.”  ”That was really entertaining.”  ”You’re really good at that.”  Compliments are great.  They can help motivate us as we move toward our goals, but they can also be stumbling blocks if we let them.

Picture a runner who has a goal of running a 4 minute mile.  He trains every day, pushing himself a little bit further every time he goes for a run.  He consistently wins every race, but that’s not his goal.  His goal is the 4 minute mile.  After one particularly great race, in which he sets a personal best of 4:10, and the fans go crazy:  ”That was amazing!”  His coach adds “Best running I’ve ever seen.”  Even his parents chime in: “We’re so proud of you!  Way to go!”  At this point, the runner can react in two ways:

I did it.
OR
I’m doing it.

It’s especially easy for people engaged in creative pursuits to settle for the “I did it” when we receive compliments.  Even in writing this little blog, I’m tempted to relax and take my eyes of the goal when people tell me “I like your blog,” or “That post described exactly how I feel, too,” or “You’re a great writer.”  Picture me with hands behind my head, elbows out, leaning back in a leather executive chair with a stupid-wide grin plastered on my face.  (Deep sigh) . . .  ”Yep, I’ve arrived.  My complimenters speak the truth.”

But we must press on, or the little milestones mean nothing.  The Sirens’ complimentary song is beautiful and tempting, providing temporary comfort, but it is death to our goals.  Instead, we must take the compliments in stride, and keep at it until we’ve reached our destination.  And once we’ve done so, then we must set new goals or risk stagnation.

How about you?  What do you do with compliments?  Are you able to use them to motivate you toward your goals, or have they become a stumbling block to you?

Brian and Stormtrooper

Funny Friday: Top 10 Funny Things of the Week

Leave a reply

Here are the top 10 things that struck me as funny this week, in no particular order

1.  Yep.  They’re exactly the same

Amsterdam is like the Tour de France. Just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.

2.  The mental picture this creates is beautiful

Will you hold my hair while I eat this KFC Bowl

Will you hold my hair while I eat this KFC Bowl

 

 

 

 

3. Trust Fall Fail, wrong of passage

4.  Mitch Hedberg with a great visual

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

5.  Key And Peele on dubstep

6.  Community La Biblioteca Spanish Rap

7.  Anonymous friend

I have to work really hard at not being smart.

8.  Patron at local coffee shop

Patron: Give me your most unhealthy, most powerful drink!  
Barista: How about an espresso or a latte?
Patron: Oh, no.  I can’t handle that kind of stuff.  Just give me a regular coffee.

9.   Love the comparison here

Ray Nagin's 21 corruption charges aren't that bad. Like most things that are 21 in New Orleans, it's probably only 18.

10.  The “Sparks Nevada, Marshall On Mars” segment on the Thrilling Adventure Hour Podcast

The Thrilling Adventure Hour podcast is my favorite comedy podcast recently.  I especially like the “Sparks Nevada” segment.  It’s got that old-timey radio feel with a touch of modern smarminess.  Warning:  You may swerve from laughter if listening while driving.

Sparks Nevada, Marshall On Mars

There you go.  I plan on making this a weekly feature on this blog, so stay tuned for more.  What did you find funny this week?  Please share!