Overcoming fear of rejection by communicating desires

No Sale

When living in Detroit in the mid-nineties, we had a very strange experience with a door-to-door salesman.  We opened the door, and there stood a VERY enthusiastic young man with a bottle of citrus spray cleaner and a rag.  He animatedly (including some dance moves) jumped into his presentation:  “I have this amazing new cleaner that will clean anything! Let me show you!”  He proceeded to spray and wipe dirty surfaces within arm’s reach – our front door, a window, the corroded metal hand railing, and even my shoes.  He showed us that his cleaner was non-toxic by spraying some in his mouth.  He interjected his pitch with plenty of finger snaps, winks, high fives, and entertaining gimmickry. And you know what?  The stuff worked!  We probably would have bought a bottle, but when it came time to wrap up his pitch, he just smiled wide and said “Well, thanks for your time!  Have a nice day!”  He never asked for the sale!  He just danced his way to the next house on the block, fingers snapping to the tune in his head.

We stood there, semi-stunned, wondering if we had narrowly escaped a porch mugging.  More than likely, though, despite his confident exterior, he just lacked the nerve to commit and ask for the sale.  Maybe he was afraid of rejection.  Maybe he wanted us to beg him to come back.  I don’t know.  He didn’t follow through, and he lost the sale.

Speak Up

Speak up and overcome your fear of rejection

Speak up!

I still struggle with communicating my desires.  I assume the people around me, especially those closest to me, will be able to read my mind, or know me well enough to know what I want without me having to actually say it.  I’m often afraid that speaking my mind will lead to rejection, humiliation, or some form of demotion. This mentality can lead to some really damaging thoughts:  “Nobody understands me. Things will never change. I’m stuck in this situation, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll just mope about until the skies part and drop opportunity in my lap.”  Like the spray cleaner salesman, I dance around and hint about my inner desires, but rarely truly express them in a way that lets people know I’m serious about making a change.

Are you keeping your desires and passions squashed down deep inside?  Is the “real you” ready to burst out, but only if the right moment presents itself?   If you’re serious about changing your circumstances, get serious about saying so.  Don’t let your fear of rejection keep you from speaking up.

Brian and Stormtrooper

Setting goals and living beyond the compliment

“Nice job!”  “I like what you said.”  “That was really entertaining.”  “You’re really good at that.”  Compliments are great.  They can help motivate us as we move toward our goals, but they can also be stumbling blocks if we let them.

Picture a runner who has a goal of running a 4 minute mile.  He trains every day, pushing himself a little bit further every time he goes for a run.  He consistently wins every race, but that’s not his goal.  His goal is the 4 minute mile.  After one particularly great race, in which he sets a personal best of 4:10, and the fans go crazy:  “That was amazing!”  His coach adds “Best running I’ve ever seen.”  Even his parents chime in: “We’re so proud of you!  Way to go!”  At this point, the runner can react in two ways:

I did it.
OR
I’m doing it.

It’s especially easy for people engaged in creative pursuits to settle for the “I did it” when we receive compliments.  Even in writing this little blog, I’m tempted to relax and take my eyes of the goal when people tell me “I like your blog,” or “That post described exactly how I feel, too,” or “You’re a great writer.”  Picture me with hands behind my head, elbows out, leaning back in a leather executive chair with a stupid-wide grin plastered on my face.  (Deep sigh) . . .  “Yep, I’ve arrived.  My complimenters speak the truth.”

But we must press on, or the little milestones mean nothing.  The Sirens’ complimentary song is beautiful and tempting, providing temporary comfort, but it is death to our goals.  Instead, we must take the compliments in stride, and keep at it until we’ve reached our destination.  And once we’ve done so, then we must set new goals or risk stagnation.

How about you?  What do you do with compliments?  Are you able to use them to motivate you toward your goals, or have they become a stumbling block to you?

Brian and Stormtrooper

Funny Friday: Top 10 Funny Things of the Week

Here are the top 10 things that struck me as funny this week, in no particular order

1.  Yep.  They’re exactly the same

Amsterdam is like the Tour de France. Just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.

2.  The mental picture this creates is beautiful

Will you hold my hair while I eat this KFC Bowl

Will you hold my hair while I eat this KFC Bowl

 

 

 

 

3. Trust Fall Fail, wrong of passage

4.  Mitch Hedberg with a great visual

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer

5.  Key And Peele on dubstep

6.  Community La Biblioteca Spanish Rap

7.  Anonymous friend

I have to work really hard at not being smart.

8.  Patron at local coffee shop

Patron: Give me your most unhealthy, most powerful drink!  
Barista: How about an espresso or a latte?
Patron: Oh, no.  I can’t handle that kind of stuff.  Just give me a regular coffee.

9.   Love the comparison here

Ray Nagin's 21 corruption charges aren't that bad.  Like most things that are 21 in New Orleans, it's probably only 18.

10.  The “Sparks Nevada, Marshall On Mars” segment on the Thrilling Adventure Hour Podcast

The Thrilling Adventure Hour podcast is my favorite comedy podcast recently.  I especially like the “Sparks Nevada” segment.  It’s got that old-timey radio feel with a touch of modern smarminess.  Warning:  You may swerve from laughter if listening while driving.

Sparks Nevada, Marshall On Mars

There you go.  I plan on making this a weekly feature on this blog, so stay tuned for more.  What did you find funny this week?  Please share!

 

Brian and Stormtrooper

Overwhelmed? Take small steps and stay focused.

I’m choosing to push through my tendency to be overwhelmed by big things. I’m choosing to take baby steps. Today, I read an article on making SEO improvements on my WordPress blog. I collected 10 more jokes to add to my list of 50 for an exercise from a comedy writing book. It’s taken me over a week to make that list, but I didn’t let that discourage me. I just proceeded with the task in small bites until it was done. And right now, I’m keeping a promise to myself to post at least one blog entry a day this week, and I’m doing it with only 40 minutes left in the day. These daily little tasks are keeping me focused. I’m less and less overwhelmed every time I take just five minutes to work toward my goal of transitioning into a new career.

So what steps have you taken today? What little things have you done to work toward whatever big goal that looms overhead? Do something. Anything. Is your house a disaster and you can’t see a way out of it? Go put 10 things away. Is there a project at work that terrifies you? Dive in, take a break, then dive in again. Need to talk to your teenager, but you’re scared about how they’ll react? Talk with them about something they love first, then slowly work your way into the deeper stuff. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you take action. Stop making excuses to yourself and act.

Brian and Stormtrooper

To resume, or not to resume? Sell your talent

I stumbled across a couple of really good blog posts about selling your talent recently.  The first post comes from People and Chairs, a great improv comedy blog.  In their post How To Write a Kickass Performer Bio, they talk about how to make a resume/bio stand out from the crowd by including humor and personality in well written sentences, rather than just listing a bunch of stuff you’ve done.  While this post was written specifically for performers, the concept applies to just about any resume or piece of writing that sums up your life’s work and career goals.

The second post was a link at the bottom of the first post, and is even more radical than the first post.  In his post Why Bother Having a Resume, Seth Godin talks about being awesome enough in your work to eschew the resume altogether.  In other words, if you’re really all that, you should be able to prove it your work RIGHT NOW, not just list what you’ve done in the past.  Without a resume, you can show your worth with extraordinary letters of recommendation, well written blogs, or actual physical finished projects. I read this post, and I was like “Yeah!  That’s who I want to be!”  With my own professional resume, I’ve often worried that the employer might think I’m bluffing with my impressive list of expertise.  Worse yet, what if I actually AM bluffing?

I think I’ll combine both of these approaches and start with a more personal prose-based bio, with the goal of becoming resume-free down the road.

Brian and Stormtrooper

Sitcom writing – What I’m up to

I started roughing out some ideas for sitcoms yesterday.  That felt really good.  I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately for inspiration, and have especially enjoyed the Nerdist Writer’s Panel with Ben Blacker where writers of popular TV Shows (and sometimes websites, magazines, etc.) sit down and talk about the writing and production process.  It’s been very fascinating and inspirational to me.  It takes some of the mystery out of entertainment writing, and reinforces for me that successful writers are real people with the same kinds of fears and frustrations that I have.

Sitcom writing really appeals to me.  It incorporates most of the elements of what I am looking for in a new career, and would be a constant challenge that would keep me fresh.  I’d love to hear from readers who’ve had any experience with broadcast television writing.  Even if you weren’t the writer, have you met or known any?  Maybe worked on a set?  Have you done a pitch or written a spec script?  Maybe you submitted something and got rejected?  I’d love to hear any of those stories.

Oh, and other podcasts that I’ve enjoyed recently, for your listening pleasure:  The Pod F TompkastThe Dead Authors Podcast, The Thrilling Adventure Hour, The Truth, and Comedy Bang Bang.  Enjoy!

Brian and Stormtrooper

Do something you love

I’m working on a new post about some possible careers I’d like to pursue, but this tweet really captured me this morning.  It’s exactly what I’m trying to do: step out of my comfort zone, take it to the next level, take a risk – whatever you want to call it.  Thanks to @ActorsComedy for the bold suggestion to do something you love or you’re terrified of.do something you love